These are things I hope will happen in the coming year. They are arranged in no particular order – the numbers are arbitrary. It’s all good.
You will note a certain degree of optimism, at least from my perspective, in all of these predictions. It’s why I’ll add this caveat here: these aren’t so much predictions as little wishes. How many of them come true will probably be the measure of what I think of 2015 in retrospect, when the time comes.
1. Nigel Farage not winning South Thanet in May
It will be interesting to see what this does to the UKIP project as a whole, were this to take place of course, particularly when Carswell is likely to be the only Kipper to retain his seat. Much more interesting will be to watch the car crash, post-result interview with Nigel as he grasps the inconceivable.
2. Putin deposed
Of all the wishful thinking contained within this article, this one constitutes the greatest leap into wishful thinking. But the Saudis seem to be determined to watch him fall, and I would not underestimate them (as Putin did, to his extreme detriment). It will a come down to the following equation: how much pain the Saudis can soak up versus what Vlad can himself endure. I don’t know who will win, ultimately, but the fact that I find myself cheering for Saudi Arabia tells you all you need to know about how fucked up the world is as 2015 dawns.
3. The Syrian Civil War ending, somehow
Okay, I take back what I said about Putin losing his fiefdom being the most rose-coloured of my projections: this one I pretty much know will not happen. But when thousands of people are dying needlessly, one has to remain upbeat about the possibility of that bloodshed ceasing. Doesn’t one?
4. “Come As You Are”, a bio pic of the rock group Nirvana, goes into production
Starring Hayden Chirstensen as Kurt Cobain. Bradley Cooper in a black wig plays Dave Grohl. Francis Bean Cobain portrays her mother. Directed by McGee. Am I the only person in the world who would want to see this movie? Thinking about it carefully, I probably am.
5. England wins the Ashes in a 5-0 whitewash
I thought while I was being drastically unrealistic….
So there’s my wish list for 2015. Upon reflection, if only one of them happens (and the one I’m thinking of involves a certain M4-phobic MEP not cracking his long wished for Westminster nut), I’ll actually consider 2015 to have been a relative success.