Anyone who has sat through all of the Star Wars prequels and knows a little bit about cinema will be able to tell you that not only are they all terrible films, they are all extremely poorly directed. Furthermore, that each subsequent prequel is notably more badly directed than the one that preceded it. At […]
The Red Panda: the technological age we supposedly live in
Yesterday, I was with my family at the Longlade Animal Safari in Wiltshire. Yes, for those of you unaware, there is a brown sign attraction on the Wiltshire-Somerset border where you can drive around amongst lions, tigers, giraffes, elephants. There is a monkey sanctuary in which little primates jump on your car and tear it […]
Community Shield preview: Gooners v Home of the Goat
Tomorrow is the event which unofficially (or is it officially?) kicks off the football season, the Community Shield. It used to be called the Charity Shield, which made a lot more sense. For a few years after it stopped being called the Charity Shield, it was entitled the Poulan Weed Eater Garden Shield, before settling […]
Louis Walsh, Cher Lloyd and forces for good and evil in the world
“She’s a little bit late,” Louis said to the press, and I’m not sure whether he intentionally meant to reference Cher Lloyd’s song or whether he just got lucky. “She was just a bit rude on the show when she was on. No-one on the show has been as rude as Cher Lloyd. I don’t […]
The ticket that might explode: cutting up Boris Johnson’s bid for Westminster
BoJo has finally come clean and admitted what we all knew a long time ago, namely he’s going to become an MP again in 2015. It’s worth noting that he did so in the context of the most Eurosceptic speech he’s ever delivered, so he’s clearly eying up the leadership of the Conservative Party, and […]
Baroness Warsi and a matter of principle
Yesterday, Baroness Warsi resigned from government. She tweeted that this was due to the current government policy and engagement with the war in Gaza. “With deep regret I have this morning written to the Prime Minister & tendered my resignation. I can no longer support Govt policy on #Gaza,” she said. As you would expect, […]
Katie Price wants to make sex toys and a movie of her life: someone call Werner Herzog
So Katie Price has made two announcements of late, both somewhat interrelated (hint: they have to do with attention and how to get more of it). One, she wants to start her own line of sex toys. It is unclear what exactly this new line of coitus enhancing (or indeed coitus substitute as the case […]
Belgian neutrality goes forth: the First World War and the Tory narrative
WWI memorials are the rage at the moment, the centenary of Britain joining what remains possibly the world’s most horrible conflict being today. The Prime Minister has given a speech on the matter, citing the fact that Britons a century ago went into battle because there was “an important principle at stake”, that being the […]
The X Factor auditions: a cross between the Gong Show and a Pasolini film
X Factor auditions are now underway across Britain, so get on down there all you hopefuls! A Metro article this week very helpfully outlined what potential X Factor contestants should do to ensure their place on the programme. All one needs to do apparently is acquire talent, good looks, great hair and “chemistry”; the last […]
Black Flag: an alternate American dream
On January 27th, 1979, Black Flag played their first ever show under their new name in Redondo Beach, California. They had formed a few years previously as Panic in nearby Hermosa Beach, a guitarist named Greg Ginn and a vocalist named Keith Morris the main engine of the early group. Although Morris left very early […]